Having a baby – especially if it’s your first – is a momentous event that changes your life beyond belief. I’ve never met new parents (me and my husband included!) who weren’t surprised by the impact their new addition had on their lives as they previously knew them. Thankfully, the boundless love we feel for our newborn usually outweighs all the uncertainty, where your mind is full of questions like: Are we doing it right? How do we help our baby to sleep more? Is the baby getting enough milk? Is the baby putting on enough weight? How much tummy time does the baby need? Is it ok to admit that I’m overwhelmed, out of my depth, feeling restricted and trapped? They make babies cute for a reason! But even despite the surge of love and happiness we feel when we cuddle our (finally!) sleeping babe, this new identity as a parent does take some getting used to – and that’s normal, and that’s ok!
Everyone has their own personal experience of birth, of the initial “adjustment period”, and of those first weeks and months of motherhood. Some new mums bounce back amazingly quickly and feel on top of the world, some mums experience debilitating post-partum depression and need a lot of support until they feel able to cope and embrace and enjoy motherhood, and many of us muddle along somewhere in between, having good days (and nights) and bad, experiencing the emotional rollercoaster more or less intensely, relishing our new role whilst also resenting the perceived lack of freedom it entails, loving building our relationship with our baby (or babies) but struggling with the impact the new situation has on our relationship with our partner, and constantly wondering whether we’re doing ok and whether our baby is developing “normally”.
Regardless of whether you call yourself mum, mom, mammy, mama, mati, madre, ma, mor, personally, I strongly believe that going to a mum & baby group and being able to talk to others who are going through the same thing at the same time is invaluable. However helpful it is to talk to midwives and doulas, paediatricians, parents, siblings and friends who have children – and believe me they can be a huge help (more on that below!) – the reassurance we get from hearing from other mums who have babies of a similar age that they are experiencing similar feelings, issues, challenges, and successes is like a snuggly blanket that envelops us when we are at our most vulnerable – it reminds us that we are doing a flipping great job and that our baby is doing great. It shows us that we aren’t the only ones who sometimes feel like they’re failing, who sometimes feel frustrated and resentful, who sometimes feel like nights are pure torture, who sometimes feel helpless, who sometimes feel so very lonely. And it gives us a huge boost, being able to openly talk about those emotions we sometimes find difficult to share with family or old friends. It opens up the possibility of new friendships with people we wouldn’t otherwise have met, but who – through the shared role as a new mum – we have so much in common with. And it gives us new opportunities to share the good times, the small successes and the exciting developments with people who understand just how great it feels when you’ve managed to leave the house on time, or sleep for more than two hours at a time, or pop to the shops alone, or have your baby smile at you, or play with a toy for the first time, or enjoy bathtime with no tears. Who share your joy more intensely because they are relishing those same feelings of joy in their lives right now, too. And last but not least, it gives us the opportunity to learn from others. We can watch and learn, or make a mental note to never do something we disliked seeing, or simply enjoy the reassurance of seeing someone with a similar approach to our own.
So even (or especially?) if you aren’t usually a group type of person, if you’re not a natural joiner-in, if you tend to be a bit shy and like to keep yourself to yourself, I recommend giving it a go. If you don’t like it, you can stop going. And no one is going to force you to speak and bare your soul if you don’t want to, but even just hearing the others tell their stories will reassure you that you’re on the right path. And you never know, you might love it!
At my “Mummy & Me” mum and baby classes in English for mums in Germany who don’t speak (much) German, I want everyone to feel welcome, comfortable, safe and at ease. All of the feelings we experience with a new baby are amplified when we are in a country where we don’t speak the language, where we maybe don’t have a large circle of good friends, where we aren’t familiar with how things work for families. At Mummy & Me, as well as meeting other mums in the same situation, doing fun activities with the babies, and being guided through discussions about important parenting topics such as sleep, weaning, bathing, play, you will also learn vital information about navigating and surviving parenthood in Germany. I will talk you through things like paediatric healthcare, the childcare system, what activities you can do with your baby/child, what traditions and customs there are that you may want to embrace (or be warned about!), and I will answer your questions. What I won’t do (unlike some well-meaning relations or even healthcare professionals) is tell you what you must do. I won’t be presenting any “this is the only way” advice or insisting that “what worked for my baby will surely work for yours”. Every child is different, every parent is different, every family situation is different. I will offer information and present various approaches to situations – what you decide to try and what you discard as not being suitable for your situation, is entirely up to you.
I simply want to provide you with the opportunity to have the best possible motherhood experience in Germany by ensuring you have enough information – and the knowledge of where to access more – to be able to build a happy, cosy nest for your family, and spread your wings as a mother confidently and happily.